Secret Valentines - Emulating God's Love

Growing up, February 1-14 was always a little extra exciting in my house. At some point during my childhood, I forget when, my mother instituted Secret Valentines. Everyone in the family drew names on February first and from then until Valentines Day we did secret acts of service for whomever we drew and made Valentines to leave them. My mother would make huge heart-shaped sugar cookies and we would each get solitary time in the kitchen (so as not to be seen and figured out) decorating one for our Secret Valentine. There would be a Valentine making station and a pool of treats to incorporate into our Valentines. For two weeks we'd dote on a family member daily and then on Valentines Day we'd have a nice family dinner where the table was set with some little gift at each place setting that each of us had secretly purchased for our Secret Valentine and then before eating we'd each try to guess who had drawn our name. I especially remember when my father drew my name because he sent me flowers at school!

This year I wanted to incorporate Secret Valentines into our Love and Home Month, but we are just doing it for one week. This morning we drew names and I distributed a paper bag with goodies inside for us each to use in our Valentine capers.

Of course, treats are nice, but the real meat of this activity is to learn to serve each other. We sang the hymn "Come, Follow Me" and discussed each line of verse. Jesus Christ didn't just say he loved us, he showed us in everything he did through acts of service, including the greatest service of them all when he atoned for each and every one of us. 

This week we are revisiting lessons past when we learned about God's love using "14 Days of God's Love" from Not Consumed. This time, we're getting very specific in discussing how we can emulate God's love among each other within our family relationships.

Happy February!

Love at Home Tree of Life

You may recall that we began our school year with a study of the Tree of Life. We continued the theme with a gratitude tree (didn't get that one posted yet!). For February, we now have a Love at Home Tree of Life to help us overcome sarcastic habits. This is a tree of compliments and sincerity, value and support, an effort to bear fruits of love in how we think of and speak to each other.

It would be easy to create such a thing yourself (I have done it with our gratitude tree and other things) but I did happen to come across this super cheap Classroom Kit at Walmart and because it is plastic, I can reuse it if I'm careful.

It fits perfectly on a door (I did cut for the doorknob.)

The goal is for each member of the family to write one thoughtful, sincere compliment or appreciative/supportive statement about another family member every day throughout the month until our tree is crazily blooming in love.

Off to a good start:

Aiming at Love - New Meaning for an Old Symbol

Everyone is familiar with the Valentine image of Cupid or a heart with an arrow shot through it. I've never thought too much of it before, but as I've planned out our Love at Home devotionals and activities, I came across  Dieter F. Uchtdorf's "Aiming at the Center" article and it has given real purpose and meaning to this symbol for me (and I hope now, my family). 

While I read the entire article to my children (and please do read the entire thing) the point I emphasized was that Christ taught us to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." (Mattew 22:37-40) This means that every other commandment, every other thing we are supposed to do or not do, come back to being categorized under these two commandments. (I  had the kids name off commandments off the top of their heads and we tested each one to see if these two great commandments were at the "heart" of every other we could think of. They are!) Then I asked the kids who their closest "neighbors" were. Each other, of course! 

Elder Uchtdorf had begun his article with the example of archery, and how you shoot at a target that already exists, not that you shoot the arrow at a blank wall and then draw the target around it. Using this powerful archery example and the scripture, I wanted to turn the Valentine symbol into something with more meaning, to remind us of what we're aiming for:  LOVE. Loving God and loving each other.

Here is the end product:

We followed this up with...

This would make a great Family Home Evening lesson and treat!

And if you're wondering what I'm doing with things like this little project...

Love at Home Art Project

Today I declared February Love at Home Month. I love doing Valentine-y Love things all month long in February but I really believe it's important to explore real love, especially inside the home with family. Sometimes it's hardest to be your best loving self at home; we tend to think of charity as what we do and give others outside of our families. But if you can't make love work at home, what's the point?

I created a little art project today to kick off the month. It begins with the template I made below. Print this on 8.5x11-inch cardstock and grab a black Sharpie marker.

The first step is to draw sections of "rays" or diagonal lines behind the house.

Next draw stripes inside the house. You can make them uniform or not, any width you'd like.

Doodle a different design in each section.

When you have designed each section, cut a heart out of tissue paper and fix it to your cardstock with double-sided tape. Doodles can be simple or complex, but give each person the freedom to create in his or her own way.

Sarcasm--Corrupt Communication

We had a most excellent Family Home Evening lesson tonight. I have felt for some time that the communication in our family was drifting further and further from the uplifting "Love at Home" kind of talk needed and wanted, instead sinking into a muddy, swampy, stinging, biting mess of sarcasm and meanness. After a series of particularly sharp jabs by one family member that led to some tears in another, I told the family member issuing the jabs to find what the Lord's apostles have said regarding sarcasm and to share it with us during FHE.

The full article the lesson was based on, "No Corrupt Communication" by Jennifer Grace Jones, can be found here. I just want to share a few of the things that stood out most to me and/or us.

The most attention grabbing thing we learned was that the Greek root for sarcasm is sarkazein and means "to tear flesh like dogs." That really brought us all up short. One dictionary definition defines sarcasm as irony designed to "give pain." Oftentimes teens and adults alike consider sarcasm as a way to demonstrate smarts or cleverness and humor. If we all thought of sarcasm as a bestial tearing of emotional flesh that was sure to give pain, I think we'd be more careful. 

From the article:  "Parents and siblings who use sarcasm against young children often cause more damage than they ever intend. Studies show that children as young as five years old can detect sarcasm immediately. Although children discern sarcasm, they don't have the ability to understand it fully. Parents are much more proficient at using sarcasm than children and it can become a veil for undisclosed anger, annoyance, even jealousy. This unequal power changes parental sarcasm from a joke into a form of bullying." 

Jeffrey R. Holland has taught:  "Be constructive in your comments to a child--always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget--and to forgive."

Also from the article:  "Eliminating hurtful sarcasm doesn't mean our homes need to be empty of humor or necessary correction. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught that 'a good sense of humor helps revelation' and that it 'is an escape valve for the pressures of life.' Whereas sarcasm stems from light-mindedness where nothing is taken seriously, true humor blossoms from lightheartedness and helps cultivate beautiful, healthy family cultures."

I LOVE that comparison of light-mindedness with lightheartedness!

President Gordon B. Hinckley said:  "Everywhere is heard the snide remark, the sarcastic gibe, the cutting down of associates. Sadly, these are too often the essence of our conversation. In our homes, wives weep and children finally give up under the barrage of criticism leveled by husbands and fathers. Criticism is the forerunner of divorce, the cultivator of rebellion, sometimes a catalyst that leads to failure..."

As a reminder for my family, I've just created a couple of visuals to put up in our home. Feel free to use them in yours. And check out and share the entire article mentioned above.

Roots and Wings

I'm not claiming to be wise, but I do seek after wisdom. I believe in the "what" of the wisdom of the Chinese Proverb above, and I believe with all my heart that The Family: A Proclamation to the World gives us the "how" and "why." I've just entered into a new phase of motherhood and I'm trying with all my heart to do it right. I am a mother-in-law! 

There were some faulty, emotional moments leading up to this new phase when I feared that in order for my son to fly, as I always hoped he would, he'd have to cut his roots, and I was troubled, wondering what was the point of all I'd done and all we'd shared. But fear is the opposite of faith and it clouds judgement. Roots are a foundation; they do not hold one back but give anchor, breathe life, and allow one to rise and grow. My son and new daughter will fly higher because of their roots. They will network those roots to grow their own family, and give wings to the new sweet spirits that will join them in time. 

I did not know what to expect from my son's wedding day. I wasn't sure what I would feel. I did not know I would experience such complete joy. There is no other word. There was no division of love, just a lot of multiplication. Love and joy. Roots and wings. It's all part of The Plan.

I Can Only Imagine

I was introduced to the song "I Can Only Imagine," written by Bart Millard and sung by Mercy Me at the closing keynote address of a homeschool conference several years ago. I don't remember a whole lot about the rest of the address, but the following video was shown and it had a TREMENDOUS impact on me. I was in tears.

At first it was the story and Dick Hoyt's incredible example that inspired me. Not only did I want to be a better mother, I wanted to be a better person in general. I also felt that if Dick could do what he did, I could do more, too, and get in better physical shape; not just for me but for my family so I could do things with them without physical limitations. I wanted to be strong. I downloaded "I Can Only Imagine" to my iPod for some motivation and it was the first song I ever ran to in its entirety.

As I ran to this song day after day, the lyrics engraved themselves on my heart. I believe in a living Father in Heaven and a living, resurrected Savior, Jesus Christ. What will it be like when I see them again? What will I feel? What will I say? What will I do? 

The Resurrection is going to be glorious and wonderful. Not just for people like Rick Hoyt, who will no longer be handicapped, but for everyone.  Running to this song makes me feel a little lighter, a little stronger, and a lot hopeful for that future day when my scars and pains and limitations are no more and when I'll see the Resurrected Lord. I can only imagine!

I Can Only Imagine

I can only imagine what it will be like

When I walk, by your side

I can only imagine what my eyes will see

When your face is before me

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory

What will my heart feel?

Will I dance for you Jesus

Or in awe of you be still?

Will I stand in your presence

Or to my knees will I fall?

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine when that day comes

When I find myself standing in the son

I can only imagine when all I would do is forever

Forever worship you

I can only imagine

I can only imagine

Surrounded by your glory

What will my heart feel

Will I dance for you Jesus

Or in awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence

Or to my knees will I fall

Will I sing hallelujah

Will I be able to speak at all

I can only imagine

I can only imagine 

The Needs of the One

This is an article I wrote several years ago that was published in LDSNHA's Sentinel.

The Needs of the One

There’s an old saying, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, or the few.”  This is forever ingrained in my memory from a scene in the film Star Trek II:  The Wrath of Khan, where the character Spock willingly exposes himself to a radiation leak in order to fix the ship’s warp drive so that all aboard the ship can be saved. (Sigh.  This is what happens when you marry a Trekkie.) For the most part, this line of thinking seems to be pure logic. (Star Trek again!)  The Lord even used this rationale Himself when He told Nephi to kill Laban, saying, “It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief.”  (1 Nephi 4:13) 

There come times, however, when the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many.  In the next Star Trek film, Star Trek III:  The Search for Spock, the crew of the Enterprise all risk their lives to save Spock when they find they’re in a position to do so.  In our daily living of the gospel, we find that focusing on the needs of one can make all the difference. Visiting teaching is about each individual sister’s needs.  A talk or lesson taught at church is a success when even just one person is touched by the Spirit and makes a change in his or her life.  When it comes to missionary work, it’s not about the number of discussions or baptisms, but the one soul that is saved.  “And if it so be that ye should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!”  (D&C 18:15)

As parents we have to be able to discern whose needs should outweigh whose.  When every family member but one likes chili, there are going to be meals that include chili because the many outweigh the one.  When one family member thinks he needs to watch a Star Trek movie but no one else in the family wants to, the needs of the one might just take precedence because he’s Dad and he owns the T.V. and there has been nothing but children's movies on it for weeks. Seriously, it’s hard to please everyone and sometimes the other SIX people need to show a little love and generosity and cheerfully let the ONE dad watch his Star Trek.    

So what about in a homeschool?  Is it right for one dawdling person to hold the rest of the children hostage when a promised activity can only come to pass when everyone’s work is done?  What if you’ve given up on reading aloud to the children because there is one child who just won’t be quiet and ruins it for everyone else?  Clearly these are cases when the needs of the many may outweigh the needs of the one and as the parent and teacher, it falls to you to find a solution of justice.

Will the needs of the one ever outweigh the needs of the many in a homeschool?  Almost certainly!  Perhaps a child is really struggling to understand something and needs extra tutelage from you, which will inevitably require you to give less attention to the other children.  Should you do it?  Of course!   How can you not?  This one child has a need that you must fulfill, even at the expense of the other children.  It’s not likely that it will be this unbalanced forever.  Perhaps you have a huge need for a nap and simply cannot function the remainder of the day without one.  You’re at a point where your single need outweighs the needs of everyone else and provisions should made to accommodate.  Don’t forget musical instrument practicing!  A child may need a lot of time practicing a particularly ear threatening, spine shivering piece of music, and the family either needs to learn to deal with it, or buy earplugs.

A recent personal example of the needs of the one being greatest is found in the life skills, or lack thereof, of my 9-year-old.  The poor boy is condiment-spreading challenged.  He’s a brilliant musician, genius mathematician, phenomenal athlete, and top rate speller.  Smart kid!  He just cannot spread peanut butter and jam on bread.  Now, maybe you think this isn’t a big deal.  After all, he’s just a kid.  But as a busy mom who is married to a great cook of a husband who has become a tremendous help, I am determined to raise boys who can operate in a kitchen.  Not to mention that I won’t be on his mission or in his college apartment to make his PB&Js for him.  So the whole family is going to put up with pathetic-to-mediocre-at-best peanut butter sandwiches until my son gets the skill down and his sandwiches no longer lead to the Heimlich maneuver.  It’s hard on us, especially those of us who don’t particularly care for peanut butter sandwiches, but it’s a necessary sacrifice the family must make to aid the developing needs of the one. 

In conclusion, you can see that being a homeschooling parent requires discernment.  Sometimes it takes extra effort to fulfill the demands of justice. Sometimes it defies logic.  And, amazingly enough, it sometimes calls for a dose of Star Trek. 

Brigham Young's Family Room

In the heart of downtown Salt Lake City, Utah, a row of Pioneer-era dwellings stand preserved. In addition to being family homes, these were the Official Residence of the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Executive Offices of the Territory of Utah. Several prophets occupied the office and a few the home. 

The house on the left is the Lion House, which was the private home of Brigham Young's family. The house to the far right is the Beehive House, which was the state home to use for guests and dignitaries. Many years later these buildings became boarding homes for young working women in the city to safely dwell in, as well as social gathering centers for college co-eds. The Lion House is so named because Brigham Young had the nickname "Lion of the Lord." The Beehive House is named after the early settling Saints' industry. They first called their colony in Utah Territory Deseret, which means "honeybee" in The Book of Mormon. The beehive was adopted as their official emblem, representing industry, and is still a state symbol.

Standing in this historical oasis in the midst of downtown traffic, sirens, and bustle, I wished to go back in time and visit before the skyscrapers and traffic lights. I did find a photo of when these buildings were fairly new and I still marvel at all that's changed since then.

Still, there was serenity in the gardens...

...and a wise and good example inside.  These photos are of Brigham Young's family room.

I took these photos to remind myself of the lesson I learned on my tour that impressed me very much. 

Brigham Young was a very busy man. Not only did he have a large family, he was a prophet of the Lord, President of the Church, the Governor of Utah, and a businessman among other things. And yet with all that, he never failed to gather his family in the family room each and every night for a hymn, some counsel, prayer, and connection. Even if he was in the middle of a meeting or had guests, at the same time every evening he stopped whatever he was doing, invited any guests to join him, and gathered his family together at the end of each day. And if, perchance, a family member failed to show up, he sent him or her a formal letter "inviting" the missing member to join them. 

I love the faithful sticking to principles and the consistent attention to his role as a husband, father, and head of a family even in the midst of all the other demands on him. What an example! Many times it seems that just missing a day here or there of an established family routine isn't that big of a deal. We think "consistent" means 85% to 90% of the time. We allow all sorts of things to interfere with important family time and/or important gospel time and let our roles as whatever else crowd our roles as spouses and parents. What a mistake! I want to be like Brigham!

What It's All About

I snatched the opportunity to check out the Provo City Center Temple yesterday after some baseball games in the area. I had never even seen the building when it was the Tabernacle so all of it was a completely new sight to me. I delighted in everything about it, but when I got to the particular part of the grounds that's in the photo above, I felt it summed up all that life is really about. The knowledge, blessings, and all that's eternal in the temple, standing firm, pointing to heaven and higher purpose; families--a father and a mother as co-creators with God, striving to pattern their parenting after our celestial parents, nurturing and providing for children to help them along their way, with the gospel of Jesus Christ ever in the picture to support the family and bind it together; even the tulips, representing in my mind the personal growth and beauty of each individual as he or she travels through mortality from one stage of life to the next, line upon line, one step at a time on to eternity.  All together the image forms a progression from the worth and birth of an individual soul to the forming, service, and growth of families, on to eternal realms.

At the close of this Mother's Day I want to shout about the joy that comes from being a wife and mother and making those roles the focus of my life. Some would say I've failed to develop or make something of my life or that I've wasted my potential. My parents have had occasion to run into old high school principals or teachers of mine who knew and supported me well and had great expectations for me and my future. Upon inquiry, my parents have shared where and I am and what I'm going--raising my children--and these people have been disappointed. I am thus disappointed; not because I think I've let anyone down but because it saddens me that there isn't more value placed on motherhood and homemaking. Being a mother hasn't hindered me--it's given me wings. I haven't failed to reach my potential; on the contrary, being a mother has helped me develop in more ways and in quicker time than anything else I might have chosen to be or do, and those ways are lasting and essential. My life is filled with purpose. Being a mother is the greatest thing I've ever done or ever will do in time and all eternity.

Goodly Parents Teach

I wrote the following for the 2015 round of the annual Family Proclamation Celebration over at We Talk of Christ, We Rejoice in Christ. Now that it's been several months, I'm sharing it here as well.

Copying the Declaration of Independence with quill pens.

Recently I purchased a Book of Mormon to study with the sole purpose of searching for specific guidance relating to parenting and education. I have been color coding verses according to subject and theme. I think it is significant that the most true book on Earth begins with telling us of good parents; Nephi's father taught him what he knew because he was a good parent, the converse being true that because Lehi taught his son, he was a good parent:

"I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father..." (1 Nephi 1:1)

As I studied the family of Lehi anew, and reread of their two return journeys to Jerusalem after fleeing to the wilderness, I paused to consider the reasons for these return trips. The acquisition of the Brass Plates served to preserve a language and provide a record of doctrine and commandments, both necessary for the support, teaching, sustaining and building of this family and their future generations, and also to provide the genealogy of Lehi's family. The convincing of Ishmael and his family to join Lehi's family was for the forming of the most important companionships in this life, those of marrying and making families. These two necessary trips were all about the family! From the dust of 600 BC comes the Book of Mormon version of the Proclamation on the Family.

Juxtaposing this part of the Book of Mormon with the Proclamation, I'd like to suggest what it is that is imperative for parents to teach their children.

Teach them where they come from.

• Teach your children that they are eternal beings. Teach them the Plan of Salvation and that they are children of a loving Father in Heaven.
• Teach your children their family history. More than names and dates, search and study the true life stories that are their heritage. Come to know your ancestors as real people and internalize their trials, triumphs, and testimonies.
• Keep in touch with living relatives. Be diligent in strengthening family relationships. Those who make up the members of your family are not a matter of chance.
• Teach your children the history of your nation and to be patriots. Help them recognize the Hand of God in the affairs of history.

Teach them where they are going.

• Teach them that this life is the time to prepare to meet God. Continually walk with them the path that leads back to Him.
• Demonstrate a love of learning and an appreciation for education and improvement.
• Teach your children to work.
• Teach your children to make and keep covenants both in word and by example. Take your family to the temple. Prepare them for the day when they will marry and begin families of their own. 
• Discuss family life and help your children acquire skills for homemaking and providing, as well as those for nurturing family relationships.

Teach them what you know. 

• Follow the example of Lehi and share your knowledge, your passions, your experiences, and your testimony with your children. Be interested in and an active part of your children's educations.
• Set an example of standing up for what is right. Do not underestimate yourself or your influence. Employ the skills and knowledge you've acquired to bless your children  and guard against any enemy.

Teach them language.

• Don't leave to others the responsibility you have to ensure your children are learning and literate. Read to them, read with them, have them read to you. 
• Create a home environment where record keeping is the norm. Journals, scrapbooks, letters, memoirs, even poetry and creative writing should abound.
• Teach good manners in speech and how to effectively communicate with people, being good listeners as well as strong but tempered speakers.
• Help them learn, recognize, and understand the language of the Spirit.
• Teach them to pray.

Moses counseled, "And thou shalt teach (these words) diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up" (see Deuteronomy 6:7). This means good parents are teaching all the time. 

Children are born into families. They aren't born to governments, to schools, to clubs, or even to churches. The Plan of Happiness--the blueprint for finding and achieving real, lasting happiness--is centered on the family and not any other organization or group. Therefore, the rearing and education of children is both the responsibility and privilege of parents to whom children are born. They may employ the help of others for support, but never should they give up what is both their right and their charge in the teaching of their children.

Remembering a Bumpy Stretch on Memory Lane

I was recently cleaning out some files and came across a journal entry from eleven years ago that made me happy. It was such a fun memory and I'm so glad I wrote it all down the day it happened. I read it aloud to all of my kids and we laughed and laughed.

On that day, I had five children aged 10 and younger. That was such a physically demanding time! For all you mothers of young children, and especially if you have a house and heart full, enjoy every crazy, awesome, exhausting second of it! I've also been going through a lot of old photographs and darn it if I didn't have the cutest, most muggable kids on the planet. I'd happily relive this and all those days again and again and just hug and kiss and squeeze and love the heck out of those darlings all over.

Here is my journal entry.  I have abbreviated names, because I don't like to share too much personal info.

June 22, 2005

Note:  Nothing has been changed to protect anyone. The names and events are, sadly, all true.

           Please do not attempt to try this yourselves.  We are professionals.

It began as a simple but desperate trip to the store for diapers. P5's little bum was of necessity wearing a P4-big-bum diaper. Now I've been spoiled in the last few years by getting to go to the store by myself, or occasionally with one or two of the kids. But for this trip I had to take them all with me because (hubby) was out of town.

We had to get two carts. P3 had lost his shoes in the long grass's Twilight Zone and therefore needed to ride. That left little room for groceries.  I know, I said I just needed diapers.  But since I was already there...

It looked promising at first.  P1 and P2 were being very helpful, each pushing a cart.  Everyone was smiling and happy to get out of the house.  An older couple needed some assistance and so P2 ran to fetch them a shopping cart and P1 chased down a runaway cantaloupe that the lady in the wheelchair accidentally dropped.  That cantaloupe should have been our cue to get the heck out of Dodge.

We stopped at the bakery department for free cookies, only to be disappointed by the absence of anyone there to assist us.  As we moved on throughout the store, P4 wanted very much to get out of the cart and run.  I tried to keep him preoccupied with other thoughts as he screamed and then growled like a mad dog.  P2 skipped and jigged and slid around, every now and then stopping to pose against a shelf in a suave GQ position.  In his performance frame of mind, he forgot to pay attention to where he was going and hooked his nose on a wire rack.

We remembered that it was our turn next to provide after game snacks at baseball, and P1 and P2 began dashing about the store looking for something really good, no matter what it cost.  They went back and forth like madmen with their carts, nearly running into other customers (of course, they DID run into me) and nearly taking out displays.  Then they lost interest in the carts and abandoned them altogether, leaving their siblings in random aisles. This didn't help the situation with P4 wanting to go AWOL.  It did encourage P3 to get out and push...right into the frozen food freezer doors.

With both carts completely full, P4 just couldn't stand it anymore.  He began trying to throw merchandise out of the cart to plead his case.  P5 had had it as well, and began charming everyone with her off-the-chart high octave screams.  And then, we ran into the toy aisles.

It was of course mutiny at this point.  Barefoot P3 was oblivious to anything I had to say and did a stunt man jump out of the cart.  P5 HAD to be held.  P4 was so determined to get out of the cart that I had to choose between helping him out and letting him look for  a minute, or cleaning his teeth and fractured skull off the floor.  They all calmed down somewhat as they looked up and down the aisles, talking together and showing each other their finds.  And then, the three not in diapers had a massive attack of the "gotta go's" and proceeded to do the potty dance all over the place.  I sent them together to the restroom (remember, I still had two full grocery carts and two toddlers).  Jolly lot of good it did.  They came running back like a herd of buffalo, shouting, "We can't find the bathroom!"

FINALLY we headed for the checkout.  P5 was back in the cart.  I was holding P4.  Then the three oldest had to take a test swing on some patio furniture.  Not to be left out, P4 had to swing, too.  I made the mistake of putting him down.  And then he bolted.  Have you ever tried to find a two-foot tall kid who doesn't want to be found in the clothing racks?  When I finally did spot him, he took off, giggling hysterically.  I had to sprint my very sore joints (another long story) and nearly did a face plant.

Checkout!  Please get us out of here!  We somehow made it through and out the door.  And then...the unspeakable.  The unthinkable.  I was holding P5 and P4 and trying to keep P3 from darting into the parking lot.  P2 was pushing the VERY full and VERY heavy shopping cart.  I turned to check on him.  I saw the impending disaster before it happened, but couldn't get the words out in time to stop it.  THE WHOLE CART TIPPED OVER, almost on top of P2, and he did a Starsky and Hutch roll away, grabbing on to his ankle.

In his defense, this parking lot wasn't handicap accessible.

I'm still in shock.  I think once I get to bed tonight, I'm not going to get out again until (hubby) comes home.  Normally it's not like this... I don't know what's going on.  I couldn't deal with being the only one who knew, so I called (hubby) in Maryland and woke him up.  I hope he gets back to sleep...

After our "adventures" in town this evening, we got home, I fed the kids and got them in bed.  To unwind from it all, I put in a movie for myself... a comedy.  When it was over, I remembered that I needed to pull the car in the garage and lock up.  Can you guess what happened next?  I ran the van into the garage wall.  Yes, I really did.  Pulled into the garage at the wrong angle.  At this point I can't tell all the damage to the house.  The car looks AWFUL.

Good night.

P.S.  For clarification, I scraped the driver's side of the van along the trim of the garage entrance.

LOVE YOUR LITTLES!

And keep in mind that the so-called "bumps" on the road help you know you're alive.

PLAY BALL!

Actually, I've been crying over this season for almost a year, knowing it was coming. (Well, I've had a few panic attacks and tried not to cry when I've thought about it and felt the surge of emotion.) Every new season is exciting; while everyone gets spring fever and looks forward to the end of winter, no one wants the snows to melt and the grass to appear as badly as baseball players. The coinciding of the renewal of the earth with the renewal of baseball is a powerful thing and I think I could write an essay just on that. But that's not where all this emotion is coming from. Of course I've been looking forward to the game and I love, love, love watching my kids play, but this is another bittersweet season wherein I have a graduating senior playing his last season of high school baseball.

I am so excited that this year I even died my hair orange and blue--the team's colors!

I'm hoping to just enjoy every moment because each one of those moments brings us all closer to the end of what's been a really great journey.

Like I said, I love the game of baseball. I've loved it all my life. Never would I have imagined that it would dominate my life the way it has and does, though. Totally unplanned, we've been a traveling, competitive-ball-playing family for a decade. You'd think I'd have the routine down by now, but every year is a little different and there is always a new challenge as the kids grow. Some days I feel like baseball is truly knocking me off my feet. 

More often than not, though, I think that baseball has really grounded my family. We've given a lot of time, money, blood, sweat, and tears to the game, but it has given us so much more in return. In the next few days I hope to share some specifics of what I value in the game of baseball and why I think this world could do with a lot more of it.

In the meantime--PLAY BALL! I'll be rooting for the home team.

Life's Other Lessons

It has been a very long time since I have posted anything. That's not for lack of things to post; on the contrary, there are so many posts that I planned and wanted to share that my brain feels the high-powered pressure of being jam packed with things needing to get out so I don't have to store them cerebrally anymore. I am frustrated because many of them were things pertaining to autumn or certain days or lessons this past autumn, and I like things to get posted neatly, tidily, and in chronological order. But there hasn't been a single neat, tidy, chronological stitch in any facet of my life since September, so why should my blog be any different? 

You may recall our September disaster wherein a dishwasher leak ruined my kitchen. We are just now getting our kitchen back--went three months without one. It has been...an interesting experience. All of the real business of tearing the rest of everything out--the rest of the cabinets, flooring, etc.-- happened the day before Thanksgiving, which made for a real memory-making holiday. Getting everything put back into place wasn't the jubilee I thought it would be, either. Part of that is because we took on tiling the floor ourselves; part of that is that just because things are new, it doesn't mean they are perfect. And a house full of people living their lives makes all new things "lived in" in a hurry.

In some ways all of this was an interruption. There are definitely some plans that were waylaid. In other ways, however, we learned many lessons that couldn't and wouldn't have come any other way, and those kinds of lessons are almost always way more important than anything I might have planned. 

There were real-life applications of subjects learned:

Even a kid had to measure and draw lines for cutting the tile to fit certain places.

So glad to have an older son who was experienced
with tools and machinery from some manufacturing
and construction classes so he could cut tile.

Working together, everyone with their own responsibility, to get the job done.

We learned how to really work together as a family. If every single one of us hadn't picked up some tools and rags and whatnot and pitched in, my poor husband would probably still be laying tile. We were ALL up into the wee hours almost every night for a week, under the pressure of rented things needing to be returned and the deadline of upcoming installations. It was hard work. It wasn't fun at all. But I am so proud of how everyone just did it, and that we did it together. None of us knew much at all about tiling a floor before this, but we sure know a lot now. We also learned that things are just things. That life can be fulfilling without them, life can go on and even happily in any state, and that even in a state of complete chaos there can be peace and joy and fantastic moments that cement not just tile, but a family together.

King Fruit

I get some of my best thinking done while I work in the garden, so I guess it's a good thing it is gardening season. 

Even though the ratio of weeds to family members is somewhere around six trillion to one around here (and the ratio of time it takes to weed to time we have to weed is even more skewed) most of my allotted garden time has not been able to be spent on weeding. That was my plan; but my vision of certain sections of the yard becoming weed free this week changed when I saw that the sweet cherries were almost ripe and the birds were having a feast on them, one of the apple trees was excessively overburdened and needed the fruit thinned, and a hole in one of our hoses was going to keep us from being able to water everything normally.

The kids could water, but that takes a long time by hand. Still, in this heat it has to be done to save our seedlings and new plants, not to mention to prevent all our previous weeding, tilling, and planting efforts from going to waste. Whatever else I wanted the kids to get done had to take a lower rung on the priority ladder. My first priority had to be protecting the cherries from the birds. This was the first really great crop of sweet cherries this tree has produced after years of caring for it to overcome pest problems. (Last year was the first crop to speak of, but someone stole the cherries in the middle of the night while I waited one more day to pick for extra sweetness.) You can imagine how badly I want to harvest these cherries!

The thinning of the apples is a long, painful process. I suspect I'll be at it for weeks with four apple trees and only an hour or so a day to work on it. I hate it, because it does pain me to cut off any developing fruit and throw it away, even though somewhere in my brain I know it is necessary. I am thankful for the task, however, because it forces me to revisit previous lessons learned.

I've never had to thin apples so extensively before so I watched some video tutorials to make sure I would do it right. I learned that each cluster of apples needs to be thinned down to one apple, usually the "king fruit." This is the painful part of the process because a cluster can contain anywhere from two to six apples, depending on how many blossoms were pollinated (or survived a freeze). The king fruit is the largest of the pollinated apples in a cluster, having grown bigger because it was pollinated first. If you want large apples, this is the one you leave because it will always be the biggest of the bunch as the others cannot catch up to it. I like it when there is very obviously a king fruit and the others just aren't as developed; it makes it a little bit easier to let them go. But more often than I'd like, all the apples are the same size and it becomes a matter of evaluating position to other clusters to balance weight and room to grow, or a matter of finding the one that is the most perfect (no blemishes or bruising from banging in the wind).

New thoughts have emerged as I've thinned fruit this week and they are possibly very insightful. As I have pruned and thinned, I've had images of paper piles and boxes of "stuff" in my house that I keep meaning to thin out and organize but never seem to get to, mostly because of feeling overwhelmed. I've thought of the busy-ness of my schedule and the people and relationships that I sometimes don't spend enough time on because I often approach my time like I would an overstuffed suitcase, cramming and cramming and then just sitting on it and wishing it all to fit. Looking at these clusters of apples still to thin and the buckets of them destined for the compost pile, I've thought that I need to learn from the numbers of my apple tree:  I need to thin the stuff and distractions and demands of my life by 50% to 80%. Those are crazy numbers! It seems improbable, impractical and, of course, impossible. But the visual of just 50% of the clutter being gone...! It's at least a concrete goal I can work toward instead of an ethereal, eternal "not sure." If I stick to the example of king fruits and analyze the juxtaposition of everything on my branches, I should do alright.

I've also thought a lot about all the homeschooling moms I've heard from lately who aren't sure how lists and schedules and plans can coexist with reality. I think my garden experience makes for a perfect analogy to help guide all moms.

My list of things to do each day this week included garden time. I had very specific things that I meant to get done, mostly weeding. But when I got to the garden, I found that I needed to protect the cherry tree, thin the apples, and water by hand. I had to do what needed to be done first. Did I get the whole yard or even the garden weeded as planned? No. But I did do what needed done the most, and I did spend time in garden as I had planned.

What if the time I've set aside for a particular lesson or activity gets robbed by something like two kids fighting with each other? Do I forge ahead with the lesson, pushing, pulling, forcing, perhaps even fighting myself because that is the plan? Or do I stop, set the planned lesson aside for the time being, get to the heart of the kids' problem, and teach perhaps more important lessons relating to love, manners, behavior, responsibility, or whatever the need is? Then, when it is resolved, do we move on to next thing on our schedule, leaving the missed planned lesson undone, or do we stay and finish job? Answers here will vary, even for me depending on day, but the point is that the reality of parenting and homeschooling is that we are dealing with living, growing, changing beings, who think and act and react, not black and white checklists. A gardener must work with and around the weather, growing conditions, equipment failures, pest problems, etc. Moms do, too.

What if tomorrow, when I go back outside, I see that all we did today is ineffective or undone. What if the nets on my cherry tree, after hours of wrapping and stretching and tying today, have come undone? Do I lament and give up the cherries? Or do I do it all over again even though that's one more day I don't get to the weeds? I want those cherries! I want the harvest! 

What if you spend a day or a week teaching a math or science or phonics concept and now your schedule says it is time to move on to the next thing, but you realize that your child just isn't getting it? Do you advance, advance and  hope it will resolve somehow? Are you teaching a lesson, or teaching a child?

As good as it feels to check boxes or cross things off lists, that is not what is important. It's the progress, the becoming, the continued forward motion that matters. My cherries and apples can still be harvested even if I don't have a completely weed-free picture perfect garden, but they cannot be if I don't take care of first things first. Like the garden, in homeschooling it is the fruit that matters.

Lunch today took three times longer than I planned, and we didn't get to everything on my list, but I loved it. Why? The kids were really getting along, having a great, fun conversation, enjoying being together standing around griddle while I cooked crepes. I had doubled the recipe so I would have some for another day, but they all got eaten. It doesn't matter. The relationships being strengthened at that moment were more necessary--and fruitful--than anything else on my list (or having to make crepes again the next time).

On a school day I may set aside 15 minutes for recess, but when I see two kids who normally fight with each other getting along beautifully, I don't interrupt! The math isn't going anywhere and can be done at another point in the day. It will still get done. The most needful thing at that moment is already happening. 

All of this is to say, most of us need to thin some things out of our lives, whether it's stuff, list items, or unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our kids. Don't give up having a plan or a frameworked schedule, but don't be so checklist oriented that you can't see what's working and enjoy the moment. I fervently believe that God put things like gardens in our paths to teach us important lessons. Find the king fruit in your life, which I would suggest is marriage, children, and your values, and put first things first so you can look forward to the harvest.

Mommy's Gonna Fly!

If you cannot relate to this Family Circus you either a) don't have children or b) have your priorities mixed up. 

A mother with a house full of children, who is seeing to their needs and who has many things to do in a day, cannot keep an immaculate house at all times--unless she cares more about a clean house than happy children, or housecleaning is the only hobby she has. I have always like the following quote:

"A clean house is a sign of a misspent life."

That doesn't mean there aren't days I'm not mortified at the state of the house when someone drops in. Once upon a time, in a different house, someone came to the front door and before leaving said, "Well, you can tell this is a homeschooling house." WHAT DID THAT MEAN?  I'll tell you what that meant:  it meant that I made sure that the next house I bought had a very different floor plan, with little to be seen from the front door! 

Messy House Rule #1:  No one ever drops in when the house is clean. I know there is a man in Washington who doesn't believe I ever clean house, because he always stopped by on the worst days. I would sigh and say, "You should have come by yesterday." 

Messy House Rule #2:  Household appliances break down only when the house is already in a state of disaster. A washer/dryer will only break when you are already swamped with laundry because you had a really busy week and you were about to catch up when...kerplunk. The dishwasher only dies when you have cooked up a storm and have no clean dishes left and they're all over the counter. 

One winter we got socked in with a snowstorm over a weekend and we'd just enjoyed playing games and watching movies and snacking, etc. We'd enjoyed being a little lazy and planned to restore order on Monday morning. It snowed and snowed Sunday evening and the house felt colder and colder and we realized that something was wrong with our boiler and we had no heat. We all slept downstairs by the wood stove that night and called our plumber the next morning. As I was outside to shovel two feet of snow out of the driveway with my husband and kids, the plumber showed up and went to work. I pushed another shovel full of snow and then shrieked, remembering the pantyhose sitting next to my laptop that I'd taken off after church when I checked my email. The plumber would walk by that, among many other things out and about from our lazy weekend, and I was horrified. I sheepishly said something to him when he was finished, apologizing for the mess. He laughed and told me that in his line of work he's seen some real messy houses and that mine has never been the worst he's seen. He further reassured me, saying, "I have kids, too, and you just can't live your life and have a clean house all the time." Whew!

I remember arriving at a Relief Society presidency meeting at the secretary's home and asking her young son where their bathroom was because my little guy needed to go. This probably five-year-old little boy said, very seriously, "Oh, you need to use my mom's bathroom. She wants the other one to stay clean for five minutes." I still laugh about that because I know exactly what went down in that house before we all began to arrive:  Mom cleaned the bathroom because the ladies were coming over and then she instructed her children to only use her personal bathroom because (she said in exasperation and exaggeration) she wanted the other one "to stay clean for five minutes" as any use by her children would undue what she'd just done.

I love how literal kids are. It makes life interesting--and it should make parents think before speaking.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms who just can't seem to get it all done. It's okay! Let me close by sharing poem I memorized as a teenager, the message of which I believe with my whole heart.

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact

That children shelter there.

Ours boasts of it quite openly,

The signs are every where.

For smears are on the windows,

Little smudges on the doors;

I should apologize I guess

For toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with the children

And we played and laughed and read,

And if the doorbell doesn't shine,

Their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to

Choose the one job or the other,

I want to be a housewife . . .

But first I'll be a mother.