We had a most excellent Family Home Evening lesson tonight. I have felt for some time that the communication in our family was drifting further and further from the uplifting "Love at Home" kind of talk needed and wanted, instead sinking into a muddy, swampy, stinging, biting mess of sarcasm and meanness. After a series of particularly sharp jabs by one family member that led to some tears in another, I told the family member issuing the jabs to find what the Lord's apostles have said regarding sarcasm and to share it with us during FHE.
The full article the lesson was based on, "No Corrupt Communication" by Jennifer Grace Jones, can be found here. I just want to share a few of the things that stood out most to me and/or us.
The most attention grabbing thing we learned was that the Greek root for sarcasm is sarkazein and means "to tear flesh like dogs." That really brought us all up short. One dictionary definition defines sarcasm as irony designed to "give pain." Oftentimes teens and adults alike consider sarcasm as a way to demonstrate smarts or cleverness and humor. If we all thought of sarcasm as a bestial tearing of emotional flesh that was sure to give pain, I think we'd be more careful.
From the article: "Parents and siblings who use sarcasm against young children often cause more damage than they ever intend. Studies show that children as young as five years old can detect sarcasm immediately. Although children discern sarcasm, they don't have the ability to understand it fully. Parents are much more proficient at using sarcasm than children and it can become a veil for undisclosed anger, annoyance, even jealousy. This unequal power changes parental sarcasm from a joke into a form of bullying."
Jeffrey R. Holland has taught: "Be constructive in your comments to a child--always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget--and to forgive."
Also from the article: "Eliminating hurtful sarcasm doesn't mean our homes need to be empty of humor or necessary correction. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught that 'a good sense of humor helps revelation' and that it 'is an escape valve for the pressures of life.' Whereas sarcasm stems from light-mindedness where nothing is taken seriously, true humor blossoms from lightheartedness and helps cultivate beautiful, healthy family cultures."
I LOVE that comparison of light-mindedness with lightheartedness!
President Gordon B. Hinckley said: "Everywhere is heard the snide remark, the sarcastic gibe, the cutting down of associates. Sadly, these are too often the essence of our conversation. In our homes, wives weep and children finally give up under the barrage of criticism leveled by husbands and fathers. Criticism is the forerunner of divorce, the cultivator of rebellion, sometimes a catalyst that leads to failure..."
As a reminder for my family, I've just created a couple of visuals to put up in our home. Feel free to use them in yours. And check out and share the entire article mentioned above.
