The Needs of the One

This is an article I wrote several years ago that was published in LDSNHA's Sentinel.

The Needs of the One

There’s an old saying, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, or the few.”  This is forever ingrained in my memory from a scene in the film Star Trek II:  The Wrath of Khan, where the character Spock willingly exposes himself to a radiation leak in order to fix the ship’s warp drive so that all aboard the ship can be saved. (Sigh.  This is what happens when you marry a Trekkie.) For the most part, this line of thinking seems to be pure logic. (Star Trek again!)  The Lord even used this rationale Himself when He told Nephi to kill Laban, saying, “It is better that one man should perish than that a nation should dwindle and perish in unbelief.”  (1 Nephi 4:13) 

There come times, however, when the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many.  In the next Star Trek film, Star Trek III:  The Search for Spock, the crew of the Enterprise all risk their lives to save Spock when they find they’re in a position to do so.  In our daily living of the gospel, we find that focusing on the needs of one can make all the difference. Visiting teaching is about each individual sister’s needs.  A talk or lesson taught at church is a success when even just one person is touched by the Spirit and makes a change in his or her life.  When it comes to missionary work, it’s not about the number of discussions or baptisms, but the one soul that is saved.  “And if it so be that ye should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!”  (D&C 18:15)

As parents we have to be able to discern whose needs should outweigh whose.  When every family member but one likes chili, there are going to be meals that include chili because the many outweigh the one.  When one family member thinks he needs to watch a Star Trek movie but no one else in the family wants to, the needs of the one might just take precedence because he’s Dad and he owns the T.V. and there has been nothing but children's movies on it for weeks. Seriously, it’s hard to please everyone and sometimes the other SIX people need to show a little love and generosity and cheerfully let the ONE dad watch his Star Trek.    

So what about in a homeschool?  Is it right for one dawdling person to hold the rest of the children hostage when a promised activity can only come to pass when everyone’s work is done?  What if you’ve given up on reading aloud to the children because there is one child who just won’t be quiet and ruins it for everyone else?  Clearly these are cases when the needs of the many may outweigh the needs of the one and as the parent and teacher, it falls to you to find a solution of justice.

Will the needs of the one ever outweigh the needs of the many in a homeschool?  Almost certainly!  Perhaps a child is really struggling to understand something and needs extra tutelage from you, which will inevitably require you to give less attention to the other children.  Should you do it?  Of course!   How can you not?  This one child has a need that you must fulfill, even at the expense of the other children.  It’s not likely that it will be this unbalanced forever.  Perhaps you have a huge need for a nap and simply cannot function the remainder of the day without one.  You’re at a point where your single need outweighs the needs of everyone else and provisions should made to accommodate.  Don’t forget musical instrument practicing!  A child may need a lot of time practicing a particularly ear threatening, spine shivering piece of music, and the family either needs to learn to deal with it, or buy earplugs.

A recent personal example of the needs of the one being greatest is found in the life skills, or lack thereof, of my 9-year-old.  The poor boy is condiment-spreading challenged.  He’s a brilliant musician, genius mathematician, phenomenal athlete, and top rate speller.  Smart kid!  He just cannot spread peanut butter and jam on bread.  Now, maybe you think this isn’t a big deal.  After all, he’s just a kid.  But as a busy mom who is married to a great cook of a husband who has become a tremendous help, I am determined to raise boys who can operate in a kitchen.  Not to mention that I won’t be on his mission or in his college apartment to make his PB&Js for him.  So the whole family is going to put up with pathetic-to-mediocre-at-best peanut butter sandwiches until my son gets the skill down and his sandwiches no longer lead to the Heimlich maneuver.  It’s hard on us, especially those of us who don’t particularly care for peanut butter sandwiches, but it’s a necessary sacrifice the family must make to aid the developing needs of the one. 

In conclusion, you can see that being a homeschooling parent requires discernment.  Sometimes it takes extra effort to fulfill the demands of justice. Sometimes it defies logic.  And, amazingly enough, it sometimes calls for a dose of Star Trek.