PEGS Academy: Strengthening Our Families--Husbands and Wives

I'm not a fan of a lot of things that come out of BYU, but I am a big fan of the book Strengthening Our Familes - An In-Depth Look at the Proclamation on the Family, a project from the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. I've explained how I feel about the Proclamation, so it should be no surprise that this collection of chapters and essays expounding so wonderfully in research and revelation on all the details of the Proclamation is a treasure to me.

Rather than write a regular book review, I want to share just a bit of the wisdom found in the book.

From The Proclamation: By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help on another as equal partners.

From Chapter 5, "Equal Partnership and the Sacred Responsibilities of Mothers and Fathers": Within a system of equal and interdependent partnership, some distinction in stewardship does not mean that one stewardship is superior to the other. Although in God's system of divine orderliness some distinctive stewardships have been assigned to husbands and wives, it is important to be clear about what this means and does not mean today and throughout history....

...some misunderstand the scriptural phrase that Eve was to be "help meet" for Adam (see Gen. 2:18; Moses 3:18) to mean that wives are in a subordinate position to their husbands. however, commenting on the meaning of "help meet," President Howard W. Hunter explained the word "meet means equal." Furthermore referring tot he scripture that says Adam should rule over Eve (Gen. 3:16), President Gordon B. Hinckley said: "I regrettably recognize that some men have used this through centuries of time as justification for abusing and demeaning women. But...in so doing they have demeaned themselves and offended the Father of us all." Rather, President Hinckley interpret the scripture to mean that "the husband shall have a governing responsibility to provide for, to protect, to strengthen and shield the wife."

In addition, we often forget about the other word in the phrase "help meet"--help. An understanding of the original Hebrew words gives insight into the meaning of the term and the reciprocal nature of men's and women's God-given stewardships. The first word, translated as "help," combines the meanings "to rescue or save" with the idea of "strength." Combined with the second word, "meet," or equal, help meet suggests one who has equal strength to rescue. In other words, Eve had equal capacity to help Adam as he had to help her. It is important to note that nowhere in scripture does the term help mate occur. Help mate wrongly suggests the Lord gave Adam and companion just to help him, quite a different meaning from what scripture and the Proclamation teach.

The stewardship over priesthood given to Adam and his worthy sons and the stewardship over bestowing and nurturing life given to Even and her daughters both come with strict guidelines for how they are to be used to bless the lives of others. These stewardships do not entail domination and subordination; rather, they allow for a system of interdependent service and leadership for the purpose of redeeming souls. Stewardship over priesthood allows a father to open some doors to spiritual progression for his family just as stewardship over nurturing life allows a mother to open some doors to spiritual progression for her family. The Savior taught:

Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them,

and they that are great exercise authority upon them.

But it shall not be so among you:

but whosoever will be great among you,

let him be your minister;

and whosoever will be chief among you,

let him be your servant.

(Matt. 20:25-27)

Reciprocal service requires husbands and wives to stand as equals in their homes; neither husbands nor wives should exercise authority over the other.

I LOVE the explanation of the term "help meet." I believe this is what God intended. I have been richly blessed by being married to a true help meet. In fact, he is so good at it that I learn from him daily on how to do better myself.

A funny-now-but-not-so-much-then story of being help meets happened several years ago. We had just come through a rough and scary pregnancy and had a new baby, and my good husband had been so attentive and helpful that I was overcome with gratitude for his goodness and expert "helpmeeting." I wanted so much to be as good of a help meet to him that I fervently prayed to be able to serve him as he had served me. My poor husband promptly had a sledding accident that resulted in an arm broken in four places and a shattered shoulder. Oops. But serve him I did! With a brand new baby, a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old, a wood stove as our heat source, and a husband who couldn't even button his own pants much less anything else, I got to serve a lot! But the beauty of a husband and wife really being there for each other, through thick and thin, to rescue, help, serve, and love one another wasn't lost.

I challenge all husbands and wives everywhere to embrace their stewardships and live up to being the help meets their spouses need and which God intends for them to be!